Life Without You
by Ryura Ryrin
Summary: With the end of the school year, so comes the end of Ty and Deuce. College for Ty; moving to the other end of the country for Deuce. Apart not by choice, but by force. Is their love strong enough to survive? Ty/Deuce; YAOI.
1. Change

**Since all my other Ty/Deuce works have been one-shots so far, I thought it was time for a chapter fic. Yay! I hope you all enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Shake It Up!**

**Deuce POV  
**

* * *

"Whoo! It's finally SUMMER!" Cece squealed, bounding out the front door of the school building and over to Ty, Rocky, and me where we were comfortably sitting at a picnic table.

"Ready to go, girls?" Ty asked, standing and whipping his keys out of his pocket.

"Yeah, time to hit the mall!" Cece exclaimed.

"Or the library," Rocky suggested, following her brother around the corner.

I snickered into the smoothie my college man had brought me as Cece gaped at the girl and jumped into reasoning why that was a preposterous idea. I shared a look with Ty, his look of sheer amusement giving me reason to smile back. Even though things were going to change, I had to find some reason to be happy.

To be honest, I wasn't too thrilled Ty was going to college. I mean, I knew it had to happen eventually, but when I thought about him actually going it broke my heart. What if he didn't want anything to do with me once he saw all those college guys and went to their parties? It made me worry, but Rocky and Cece had assured me that Ty would never kick me aside like that.

"Anyways," Cece said with a roll of her eyes. "As I was saying, the mall."

Ty laughed. "At least I only have to drive you guys around until fall. Then I'm home free."

"Home free? You're going to the University of Chicago," Rocky said. "You're stuck with us forever."

Ty rolled his eyes. "Just get in the car."

Rocky and Cece launched themselves into the backseat, leaving me to take the front passenger seat. This only amused Ty as he got to touch my legs at every red light on the way to my house. Yes, luckily, I had gotten out of the mall today.

"Mom, I'm home," I called, closing the front door behind me.

Instead of my mom greeting me as usual, my dad turned around from his place at the stove and attempted a smile, but the truth showed through; he was depressed about something. I slowly set my backpack on the floor, confused and worried. Had something happened? Did he get fired?

"Dad…you're home early…" I stated dumbly.

"Yes and with bad news," he said.

My mom walked into the room, her hair pulled back in a bun. She was carrying a few empty cardboard boxes stacked up inside each other. In fact, our whole living room was covered in them.

I blinked. "Mom…" I said slowly. "What are those for? Why is Dad home early?"

"Honey," she began, taking my hand after setting down the boxes. "Your dad's brother died of a heart attack."

I swallowed. "He did?"

She nodded. "You remember he had no kids? Just that vineyard and some stables in California?"

"His wine business?" I asked as if this wasn't obvious. I was still in shock and stuck on possible conclusions to this.

"Yes. That's the one. He left everything he had to your father."

My stomach plummeted at her next words: "We're moving."

In mere seconds I was in the safe hold of my room with the door locked.

"Honey," my mom called through the door. "This will be good for you, for us."

"For us? How can you say something like that? You just want me to leave all my friends behind here?" I almost screamed. My voice threatened to break multiple times.

"You'll make new ones. This is a wonderful opportunity for all of us. You'll love the country. It's beautiful and peaceful. Your father will get to quit his job and continue the wine business and be his own boss. And we need the money, Deuce."

"So you want me to leave my boyfriend so we can have more money and keep a business running? We were doing fine. Hell, I'll get a job if that's what it takes!" I yelled. I collapsed beside my bed, hanging over it and clinging to the covers as I sobbed into the sheets. This couldn't be happening. They couldn't just ask me to move to the other end of the country for a job. I would do anything they asked but leave Ty.

My mom rattled the door handle. "Please, honey, let's talk about this."

"No! I'm not moving. I won't leave Ty. End of discussion."

I heard her sigh and walk away. I wasn't going to win this. If I still had a chance, my dad and mounds of boxes wouldn't be sitting in my living room right now. And here I had been worried about Ty going to college. Why was this happening? It was like Fate wanted to play a cruel joke or something. But it wasn't my dad's fault his brother had died; nor was it my mother's that Dad no doubt felt it was his job to keep the business running in memory of my uncle. But why couldn't they just leave me in Chicago until I graduated and could go to college and be free from this nightmare?

My mom returned sometime later, maybe hours later; I wasn't sure. "Will you come eat dinner?" she asked softly through the door.

I slowly dragged myself to my feet and unlocked the door. My eyes were red from crying and she instantly hugged me tightly, starting the apologies.

"When do we move?" I whispered, clinging to her like an infant.

"The end of the week," she answered, stroking my hair.

I took a shuddering breath and nodded, forcing back the raw feeling in my throat. I couldn't cry again. I had cried enough to last me a good ten years. "I'll…I'll have to tell Ty tomorrow," I murmured.

She nodded, releasing me and putting on a brave face. I could see the sorrow in her eyes; much like the regret and depression I had seen in my father's set when I had come home. They weren't doing this on purpose; they thought it was best.

But how can something that hurts so much be considered best?


	2. Breakfast Blues

I took a deep breath and knocked on the apartment door. I had thought of a million ways to tell him, but none ended well.

Rocky opened the door and beamed at me. "Well, Deuce, it's a bit early for you to be here."

I blinked. "Rocky, it's noon." It hadn't escaped my attention that she was still in her pajamas, complete with purple slippers.

"Oh," she said, her smile faltering. "Right."

"Can you tell Ty I need to talk to him? He's probably still asleep…" I said softly, glancing past her into the apartment in the hope he was actually awake.

Rocky nodded, her grin returning. "TY! DEUCE IS HERE!" she yelled over her shoulder before slinking into their kitchen and leaving the door wide open.

I scowled, sighing as I stepped into the apartment and closed the door. So much for the 'asleep' part.

I shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other, faintly aware Rocky was watching me like a hawk as she ate her waffles. No doubt she wanted to know what was up; something the two Blues shared was the ability to read me like a book.

"Hey, uh, Rocky…where's your mom?" I asked, wanting to break the silence.

"The grocery store," the girl answered with a smile. "And, say, Deuce, why are you here exactly?"

"To talk to Ty," I said.

"Uh huh."

"You don't believe me?" I asked, looking at her.

"No, I do, but you're not telling me something." She took another bite of her breakfast with a small smile. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," I snapped, my response far too quick to relate otherwise.

She raised an eyebrow before glancing to the opposite side of the apartment. I followed her gaze to find Ty standing in the doorway of the hall that led to his room. He was wearing nothing but black briefs. His hair was perfectly mussed, and he was giving me his infamous devious grin.

"Maybe it's just that he hasn't been touched today," Ty said, his gaze pinning me to the door as he walked over to me. He tugged at the headphones around my neck and nipped my earlobe. "Is that what it is, baby?" he whispered. "Or is it something else?"

Hours spent on thinking of the perfect way to tell him and I was going to perfectly blow it. I knew the words that were at the tip of my tongue, but they stung like poison. Neither of us needed a drawn out painful long-distance relationship; the chances of it working out were slim. I didn't see another way around it. I had to do it.

"Ty," I began, turning my head away slightly. "I think we need to see other people."

He froze; I could tell solely by the way his breathing changed.

"Why?" he asked, his voice showing the wound he would never let me see.

"Because you're going off to college, and I'm…I'm…" The word was there but so were the tears, and I wouldn't let either one fall.

"But, Deuce, college won't change how I feel about you. I love you," he breathed.

I shook my head. "Please, no, please, don't say that." I wiped at my eyes; the tears had started.

"What's really wrong?" Ty asked, moving his hand to cup my cheek and assume the role of drying my tears.

"Whoa, what's going on here?" Cece asked loudly. The redhead had climbed through the window, though her presence had escaped me until she spoke.

I glanced at Rocky, who was preoccupying herself with her syrup on purpose. I could tell she was uncomfortable.

"Hey, Cece, you want breakfast?" the brunette asked.

"You bet. What are we having?" Cece asked, plopping down in a chair in the kitchen. "Oh, waffles!"

Ty looked at them and growled. "Do you two mind?"

"No, not at all," Cece chirped.

Rocky replied with silence as she got out the ingredients for Cece's waffles.

"I should go," I whispered, turning and fumbling with the door handle. My hands were shaking badly, but I didn't care. I just knew I had to get away before the truth spilled out.

"Deuce, what's wrong?" Ty asked, his voice slightly more firm.

"Nothing," I whispered. I flung open the door and ran down the hall, taking the stairs two at a time when I reached them. I could hear footsteps behind me, but I didn't dare look back.

"Deuce!" It was Rocky.

I spun around at the bottom of the stairs and looked up at her. She was standing on the first landing, her slippers nowhere to be seen.

"What's wrong, Deuce? I just want to know," she said.

"It's none of your business," I replied.

"It is my business if you break my brother's heart! You had no reason to do that. Just yesterday you two were flirting and kissing like normal."

"Yeah, well, a lot changed yesterday," I snapped.

"Like what? I thought we talked about the college problem."

"We did. That's not the issue anymore, Rocky!" My voice was pleading, begging her to understand and accept my choice without making me tell her everything.

"Then what is?"

I sighed and looked away from her. "Telling Ty I didn't want to see him anymore was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."

"Then why did you do it?"

"Because I couldn't tell him the truth. It's not that I don't want to see him; it's that I won't be able to."

"What do you mean?"

I looked back at her. "It's a long story. But, I'm moving to California. I leave Friday."

"But that's only a few days from now…"

"I know. Just don't tell Ty. At least, not until I'm gone."

She slowly nodded. "I'll miss you. We all will."

I gave her a half-hearted smile. "I'll miss you all too. I have to go help pack now. When the time comes, tell Cece and Ty I said goodbye." I swallowed, forcing the tears away. "Goodbye, Rocky."

She rushed down the stairs and flung herself into my arms, wrapping her own around my neck. "Bye, Deuce."

I hugged her tightly. "Take care of yourself. You only have one brother now."

She sniffed as I let her go and squeezed her hand. She gave me a small wave as I pushed the door open and stepped out into the wind.


	3. Within Reach

**Ty POV**

* * *

"Ty, it's time to get up," Rocky said, knocking on the door to my room.

I groaned in response and pulled a pillow over my head. "Go away," I growled, hoping for once that she would listen.

The bed dipped as she sat down a moment later. No, of course, she hadn't listened. "Ty, it's Friday morning. Get up."

"Why should I? It's summer, and I can sleep in if I want to. You aren't the boss of me." I crossed my arms over the pillow, thinking that if I was lucky I would pass out and suffocate before I could feel any worse.

"Yeah, and it's not just you who was hurt the other day," Rocky snapped.

"As I recall," I began matter-of-factly and thoroughly annoyed. "I was the only one dating him, not you. So why can't you just leave me alone and let me be miserable?"

"Because you're not alone; you're not the only miserable one. You think he wanted to do this to you?"

I peeked out from under the pillow at her. "Apparently, since he did."

Rocky frowned and tugged the pillow away from me, tossing it to the other side of the room. "You're wrong," she said, her eyes blazing with fury and sorrow. "He never wanted to leave you, but he had to."

I slowly sat up. I had never seen her like this. "What do you mean?"

"I mean he's moving to California today!" she hissed, standing and walking over to my window. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked out the window. "He told me to tell you he said goodbye," she whispered.

"He's leaving today? When?" I demanded, already on my feet and pulling on jeans.

"I don't know. He just told me not to tell you until today."

I stared at her, nearly falling over from standing on one foot and trying to pull my pants on. "You knew?" I growled.

She nodded sadly, looking back at me.

I glared at her and silently pulled on a pair of sneakers over my bare feet, not bothering to check if the shoes matched or not. I patted my pockets, glancing to my nightstand.

"Mom couldn't find her keys and she was running late, so she took yours," my sister answered, inferring the question that was on my mind. Her voice was monotone, and I had the sneaking suspicion she was behind this little 'coincidence'. The day I needed my car most, and I couldn't use it.

"Where are they?" I growled.

"I'm not telling."

"Rocky, give them to me!"

"No, I'm respecting Deuce's wishes."

"But I'm your brother! Give them to me," I hissed.

"No," she said quietly, the pain evident in her voice.

"Fine." I was out the door before she could stop me. She had done what she could in her power to stop me; she had taken away my possibility of driving, but not of running. And if running was what it took, then by hell I would run until I collapsed; and even then I would crawl to the ends of the earth and back for him.

Sprinting across three lanes of early morning traffic isn't exactly the brightest idea I've ever had. But when waiting for one red light could make a difference, I didn't care. I just had to zigzag across a few streets and run some blocks. In retrospect, I should have grabbed a shirt before leaving; I doubted many of the drivers honking and yelling at me as they slammed on their brakes liked my lack of decency. But my mind was set on one goal, and that was to get to my boyfriend at all costs.

I didn't even let my thoughts linger on the possibility he had already left. That thought alone was the most painful yet. This morning had been bittersweet by far. Deuce hadn't wanted to break up with me- that was the good part. But he was moving to the other end of the country so he felt like he had to- the part that shattered my heart.

I hadn't even thought of a happy ending to this. Could we have a long distance relationship? Would he even want one?

It took me an hour to run to his street and by the time his house was in view my lungs were burning along with the rest of my body. But I didn't stop; I had to reach that driveway if it killed me.

A moving truck was in the driveway with multiple men loading boxes into the back. Deuce and his parents climbed into their car just as the last of the men climbed out of the truck and slammed the overhead door closed. No, not happening.

The moving truck pulled out first, closely followed by the small car that held the one thing I treasured most. My body screamed in protest as I pushed it further. I was halfway there. I ran my hardest, I yelled, I begged for them to stop. But they didn't see me. They pulled around the corner and out of sight.

I dropped to my knees, exhausted. My gasps blurred into silence as the image of the pavement before me swam and tilted. I put one hand down against the blacktop to steady myself, using the other to pull my cell phone out of my pocket.

"I'm sorry. This number has been disconnected," an automated female voice answered after the call rang through to Deuce's number.

"What?" I yelled at the phone, staring at it in horror. Not only could I not see him or talk to him, but I couldn't even hear his voice as a recording. Could this day get any worse?

In pure frustration at the world, I chucked the phone down the street where it broke open. I huffed and looked back down at the pavement, the colors and sounds around me already blending helplessly together as one great mass of silence.

I collapsed with a groan in the middle of the street, letting the darkness take me.

Yes, I would die for him. But he didn't know that, and now he never would.


	4. The Patient's Advice

**Sorry this one took so long; this chapter was actually ready over a week ago but my internet had some complications and wouldn't connect correctly.**

* * *

An obnoxious beep let me know I was alive. Gosh, what happened? I felt like I had been hit by a train, knocked over the head, and beaten with bricks. I was exhausted.

Then it all came flooding back to me. It was like a light had been turned on and I could see the crime clearly. It was like someone had torn out my heart, stomped on it, stabbed it, but yet it refused to stop beating. It only pumped blood to a depressed mind and spirit and an unwilling body. And though I didn't want to remember or relive the nightmare, the questions started anyway. What day was it? Where was I? And what of Deuce?

"Ty?" It was Rocky.

I opened my eyes and turned my head to look at her. I was in a hospital and the beeping was coming from a heart monitor. Rocky had been crying, her eyes bloodshot and her hair disheveled.

"Ty, you're awake," she breathed.

"Where's Mom? What happened? Rocky, what day is it?" The questions came flooding out of my mouth, and more wanted to follow but I forced my mouth shut.

"She's been talking to the doctor down the hall, but she just left to bring me back something to eat. And you, well, Cece and I took the bus after a bit to go find you when you didn't answer your phone or come back. We called an ambulance after we found you in the street. It's still Friday for another few minutes," she explained quietly.

I rolled my head away from her with a groan. "When can I leave? I have to get to Deuce."

"I don't think that's going to happen. They're treating you for exhaustion and dehydration. The doctors said you can leave tomorrow morning, but you know you can't get to Deuce. I already tried calling him. I'm assuming you tried too." She paused and I looked back at her. "I pieced your phone back together. It won't turn on; Mom said she'll have to get you a new one next month."

"I still have to see Deuce, talk to him at least. I have to, Rocky." I sat up against the pillows and sighed. "I love him," I whispered.

She nodded. "I understand, but he left no number."

"No address?" I asked.

She shook her head. "No, but Cece and I talked to the realtor for their house here. She said his dad mentioned something about the death of his brother. He apparently owned a wine company in California."

I stared at her. "That's perfect."

"Why?" she asked with a frown.

"That has to be where they're moving. To the vineyard or wherever Deuce's uncle lived. Rocky, can you-"

"Back up and calm down, you're making the monitor go haywire," she said, nodding to the machine. "And you aren't going anywhere right now."

"But I have to see him!"

"Not in your condition. Take it up with Mom. I'll see what I can do about the address, but you are going to rest in the mean time." She stood and walked around the bed to the door. "Trust me, I understand how much you want to see him. He was my friend too." She disappeared down the hall a moment later, leaving me to my thoughts and silence.

"Ah, young love," a voice said from the other side of the dividing curtain that separated my bed from another patient's. I hadn't even thought that someone else might be in the room.

I replied with silence, turning onto my side to face the door so that my back was to the curtain. My life wasn't any stranger's business.

"I see; why talk to an ancient lady like me? I just thought I might give you some advice." There was a coughing fit and a wheeze before silence only punctuated by the old woman's heavy breathing.

"Advice?" I asked. "Why would you want to give me advice? I thought people your age were against homosexuals."

The woman laughed softly only to be drawn into another few heavy coughs. "Oh, don't be so quick to stereotype me. The foolish rush into love, the wise take it slow. But, your case is quite interesting to me. I don't judge on your choices, but on your happiness."

"Yeah, well, I'm not foolish, wise, or happy. So what else do you have to say, lady?" I snarled.

She sighed. "My name is Emma Ross, Ty. And your unhappiness is not all your fault as I understand it, nor is it this boy's. I overhead your sister explaining to the doctor and your mother. You tried, and you failed. There was nothing he could do. You both are so young…"

"What's your point? I know Deuce couldn't have stayed in Chicago without his parents, but I should have run faster."

"Do not blame yourself. This isn't over."

"How do you know? I can't just drive to California tomorrow. I know my mother won't let me. And even if I got there eventually, I'd have to come back to Chicago for college. And long distance relationships never work out."

"They never work out because you don't believe they can. I remember back in the war days, my fiancé was oversees in Burma during the war. I wrote to him every week, and he wrote back. We later married and had children together. He's gone now, but I'll see him soon."

"No offense or anything," I began. "But times have changed."

"No, not really. Only people's faith in themselves and the one they love has changed. If you want to change your situation, you have to do something about it. You may not be able to change the fact this boy moved away or that you live in Chicago, but if you look hard enough, you'll find a way. Sometimes, you have to make sacrifices for the one you love."

"I would die for him," I told her boldly.

"Then I'd say you're off to a good start."


	5. A New Chapter

**Deuce POV**

* * *

I sighed as I began unpacking my things. I had been at my new home for a total of two hours and already things seemed almost bland. All there was outside my window was an expanse of grape vines lined up in rows for harvest later. My mother had joyfully pointed out that we now had a stable and horses. Of course, being a city boy, that would do me no good whatsoever.

We all knew what I wanted: that one forbidden fruit, the one thing beyond my reach. But none of us spoke of it. Why bother? Chicago was behind us and so were our old lives. According to my parents, it was time to move on to a new chapter and get a fresh start when we were given the chance. I was the only one clinging onto the few pages of the previous chapter I had left to grasp.

But as I unpacked my things, it occurred to me more than once that my parents could be right. As crazy as it seemed, I saw their point. And I didn't like that one bit. I was beginning to release Chicago and my life there already. How on earth could I have come to terms so quickly? It didn't even make sense. Was it the vast endless plains we drove through that cleared my mind? Or the trees before that?

No. The time on the road had done the trick, making me realize two things. One, Ty could and would move on without me. He was strong enough for that. And two, there was nothing I could do about my current situation. I wouldn't feed myself lies about how much Ty would miss me; maybe even have the nerve to come after me. No, that was a fairy tale at the most. I would eventually get over it all and be happy again. My own mother had even thrown in the option of getting another boyfriend.

Now, it may just be me, but thought trains seem to run at the speed of light and come to grinding halts when they hit cows and derail to dissipate into nothingness. Well, I had just pulled a big cow out of the box I was currently working on unpacking. A framed photo of Rocky, Cece, Ty, and I stared at me. We were all laughing. The girls were making funny faces and Ty and I were having fun simply being together. I couldn't remember who had taken the photo, but I knew it was from before either of us had admitted we were gay. But the picture said it clearly.

We had wasted so much time not telling the other how we felt and it seemed stupid that a picture could tell me what a human being couldn't have years ago. Why didn't I see it before? Why hadn't I even noticed my own feelings sooner?

That's what pressed my feeling of panic. My mind was feeding my heart lies: I can cope, I can lose him, I can start again, I can make it through everything on my own, I can discard this picture and never think of it again…

All lies.

I felt the sting before the tears actually fell. I was stuck in a loop of ups and downs. I had no sense of security, nowhere to put my faith that tomorrow would be ok. Ty had been my security, my protector. He had assured me that nothing would come between us. But that's the problem; no one can see the future. No one could tell me that my life would be uprooted in a matter of days. And right now, I wasn't sure of anything.

My parents had had the bright idea to switch service plans since our provider didn't offer coverage where we were. I was sure that in the great scheme of things they were plotting this all along: move to the other end of the country to keep Ty and me apart because we're not 'normal'. But it was probably just overreaction.

I just wanted to hear Ty's voice, to talk to him and bring closure. But I'm one of those people who put people's numbers in my cell phone and didn't memorize them like smart people do. Ty had no way of contacting me now: no cell phone, no home number, and no address. Even if by some miracle that he did come looking for me, he would never find me. All seemed hopeless now.

"Deuce, I'm making dinner!" my mother called up the stairs from her shiny pre-owned kitchen. "What would you like?"

"Spaghetti and meatballs," I replied. "And a heap of hope."

I got silence in response, but that alone was enough to know she had heard.

I sighed and dropped down onto my bed, content to stare at the ceiling while I contemplated my misery. I loved Ty; I knew I did. All those Disney movies taught children that true love could conquer all, no matter how impossible the feat seemed. But, no one ever applied that to real life and succeeded; it would be insane.

But I supposed half of the 'True Love Conquers All' story is the waiting game on one person's part. And waiting was the worst thing I could think of doing at the moment. Waiting allowed me time to think of all the worst possibilities that could happen. I simply hated waiting.

Yet, I guess if I knew everything, that would destroy the point of surprises in life. You never know what waits in the next chapter.


	6. Blackout

**I cannot say just how sorry I am that it's been so long since the last update. School and just life got hold of me. But, finally, here is the new chapter.**

* * *

It had been one week. One wretched week since the move to California. My parents were having the time of their lives; to them I supposed it was just like a permanent vacation and the initial excitement just hadn't worn off yet. But I, on the other hand, wasn't coping well.

My body racked with a shuddering sob, the knife cutting deeper into my wrist. Blood stained my jeans and fingers that were clutching the blade. The bathroom floor was speckled with red liquid; I didn't bother to wipe it up.

Was this what I had been reduced to?

"Deuce, lunch time," my mother called.

I wiped the knife clean on my jeans with one hand. I was a little surprised I hadn't passed out from the blood loss, but I didn't really care either way. My life felt like it was over; like all hope was lost forever. Still, I closed the knife and staggered to stand upright, using the vanity to pull myself up. I opened the door and slipped into my room, grabbing a sweatband to pull over my wrist to hide the wound. It hurt like hell and my vision kept swimming, threatening to pull me into darkness.

I slowly made my way downstairs, stumbling into the kitchen and nearly falling into a chair. My energy was gone and I feared my sanity had left with it. I could only stare at my lunch of pizza, chips, and soda. I had no appetite and no energy to do anything and certainly no will to live. The happiness had been sucked from my life by a vacuum with the power of a Category 5 hurricane.

"Aren't you hungry? You barely touched your breakfast," my mom said, pressing the back of her hand to my forehead.

"I'm not hungry," I mumbled, looking away from the food.

"Maybe…maybe you just need some fresh air."

I got the feeling she was trying to convince herself more than me that I was going to be ok. Luckily, she hadn't seen the sweatband; it was probably bloody but I didn't bother to check. I just wanted to be left alone to my misery.

The sun only made me feel worse. It was hot and I got the feeling I was about to pass out; the ground kept seeming to shift beneath my feet but I kept walking. Along with the heat, the sun looked happy almost as if it were taunting me. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, which frustrated me. It had never occurred to me until now that both happy and depressed people shared the same sun.

Subconsciously, I trained my feet in the direction of the driveway. It was a long and winding dirt road that curved around the vineyards before finally ending on a back road that eventually found its way to the city. I was in a daze as I started off down the driveway; the noises around me of horses, birds, workers, and nature in general all felt very far off as if they were in a completely different world- they felt foreign. Or maybe I was the thing that was foreign to their perfect world.

Either way, I walked on. I wanted to keep moving; everything felt better that way. If I was moving, I could do something. If I was moving, I had control. But, in reality, I realized I had none. On the large scale, my life had plummeted and I had no control over where I was and who surrounded me. On the small scale, in order to feel like I had even the most fleeting moment of control, I had cut myself; I had purposefully wounded myself and why? It was temporary and for that one moment of control I would have to do it again and again until the desperation for control became suicide. I hoped I wouldn't be that desperate to go that far, but what if I lost control over my mind in an effort to gain control again? That's when suicide would become a serious possibility.

My eyes crossed and I stumbled, falling into the dirt. With a groan, I pushed myself back up. I felt drained, weak, miserable, and confused; I wasn't sure what I was doing anymore. I barely had the strength and will to stand back up. I had no idea where I was going, but I didn't want to give up. By now, the end of the driveway wasn't too far and I could see the mailbox that was built into a brick alcove.

As I neared the front gate, a blue car pulled onto the edge of the driveway. I stopped walking and blinked. Why did it look so familiar? Had I seen it before?

"Deuce! Oh my God, Deuce!"

It was Ty, Ty Blue.

I blinked again, seeing him standing beside the car. It wasn't registering. This was a dream; this couldn't be real. But yet, I didn't care. Dream or not, I was going to get to him. I unlocked the gate and was soon bound up in his arms. My mind was shifting as if I was about to fall asleep- that moment where fiction and reality were switched with each other in the mind. Nothing, yet everything, felt real. His arms around me were real, his kisses were real, his words were real, but yet nothing was real.

Nothing of this moment seemed possible. I was only aware of the heat, my blurring vision, the throbbing pain in my wrist, and his arms around me. Nothing else mattered. I barely noticed when I started crying. I sobbed and he cradled me to his chest. I wiped at my tears and he suddenly caught my arm, gripping just above the crimson and white sweatband I wore over my wrist. The look on his face was horror and shock.

"Deuce," I thought I heard him say and my vision of him swam before me. "Baby, why?" he whispered.

And the world went black.


	7. Another Hospital Visit

**Ty POV. R&R, please. :)**

* * *

The room was quiet except the rhythmic beep of the heart monitor; things always seemed quiet in hospitals. It was like the world was holding its breath, just watching and waiting. I hated these moments. Summer had just begun and I had already visited a hospital twice; once for myself and the second for Deuce.

Deuce was still unconscious as he had been for a few hours now. His parents were busy talking to doctors and had left me alone to watch him. I felt bad and slightly responsible; how could I not? He had done this to himself because of me, hadn't he? Every time I looked at his mother, my stomach twisted into knots; she hadn't stopped crying since she found out what happened. And if she did stop, it was only momentarily.

I leaned forward and dropped my head into my hands, staring at the floor. Why did things like this have to happen? He could have died because of me.

"Ty?"

My head shot up and I looked at Deuce. His eyes were still closed, but he had moved his hand toward me. I reached out and grasped it gently. "I'm here," I whispered, afraid to trust my voice after not speaking for over an hour.

"What happened?" he asked, shifting slightly and slowly opening his eyes.

"You…well, you cut yourself," I began. "Why? Why did you do it?"

"Because I wasn't going to see you again. We were miles apart and the person I wanted to be with was left behind."

"But I'm here now," I said, my tone pleading. "Just because we're apart doesn't mean anything. I still love you."

He gave me a sad smile. "And I love you. But, how can we make it work?"

"I'll move here. I'm old enough; I swear, I will," I said without a moment's hesitation.

"But what about Rocky and your mother?"

"They're my family. I would never lose touch with them, but I-"

"What about college? You're already accepted back at the university in Chicago. And on scholarship. I won't let you throw that away."

"And I'm not going to let you throw this away. We only get one life to live."

"So live it the way you want."

"I'm trying!"

He looked away instantly.

I glanced at the heart monitor when it started beeping louder and more frequently. "Deuce…please, calm down. I don't want to upset you."

"Then do what you want. Do what you know is right."

"Look, I know what feels right in my heart. I know that college is important, but so are you. And I don't want to leave you. And I'm certainly not going to ask you to wait for me; you don't deserve to be treated like that."

He sighed and stared at the wall. "So what are you going to do?"

"I don't know yet."

"Oh, Deuce, honey!" a female voice exclaimed.

I looked up in time to see Deuce's mother sweep over to the other side of the bed and kiss his forehead. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder and I glanced up into his father's eyes.

"I'd like to have a word with you," he said simply and turned to leave the room.

I got up and followed him out of the room and down the hall to a waiting room. I waited as he closed the door.

"I understand you and my son have something special," he said and sat down in a sleek brown leather chair.

I nodded, sitting down across from him. "Yes." I didn't know what else to say; I didn't know what he wanted. And right now my heart was pounding too loudly for me to think, let alone speak.

"I think…" he began, picking up the TV remote and turning off the nearest one. There was no one else in the room and without the device on, it was eerily quiet. "That it is in everyone's best interest, both yours and my son's, that you leave and never contact him again."

My heart stopped. "What?"

"I know you both feel strongly for each other, but I fear it just won't work out. It's better to cut all ties now than drag it out and let it get worse. I want my son to be happy, but a long distance relationship isn't going to work."

"How do you know?" I said quickly, not thinking. "How do you know when you aren't in our shoes? I can't speak for Deuce but I can most definitely speak for myself. I love your son and I would never do anything to harm him. No, I don't have all the answers to the problem here of living states apart and myself going to college, but I do know that if it's meant to be, it'll work out. And you are not going to tell me what to do."

The words spilled out before they even registered, shocking both me and Deuce's father. He blinked and sat back in the chair.

"I only want what's best," he said quietly.

I nodded. "But I don't think anyone can tell what's best at this point."

"So what's your conclusion?"

"I want to stay with him. I know I could leave home and figure some things out. But I can't pay for college on my own. That's why I'm going to college in Chicago with my scholarship."

He nodded. "Alright, here's what we're going to do. You can stay with us for the summer and we'll see what happens. As for college, I have some contacts here with the university. I'll see what I can do. But if you hurt my son, I don't ever want to see you again, understood?"

"Yes, sir," I said quietly.

He got up and left, leaving me alone. It was silent, but I was almost positive I could still hear a faint beep as if I had a heart monitor too.


	8. AUTHOR'S NOTE

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**I chose to put this here in my two chapter fics to make sure you all saw it and weren't left hanging. This is copied directly from my profile so if you've already seen the note, obviously, just skip it.  
**

**Guys, I have to admit it. This is not my first fanfiction account. This is probably my fourth because I have issues with people in real life knowing who I am on here. It just gets really awkward and I can't really write what I want or how I want.**

**Knowing that, I lost inspiration for my two chapter fics and am discontinuing them. Even if I wanted to write them, my computer got a virus and it's hard for me to write at the moment. School is also starting up again, and all I really would have time for is one shots.**

**In conclusion, if any of you actually read this, I will say that I'm probably going to make a new FF account here shortly and work on some one-shot ideas, so I'm not disappearing. You just won't know who I am. I'm sorry.**

**If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, PLEASE, PM me; I will continue to reply through here as this account is linked to my primary email that I check every time I'm online. :) So don't worry.**

**Love Always, R. Ryrin**


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